fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
