Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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