I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I heard we made out
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
