i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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