after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
