Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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