Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
