i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
