Whod you bang
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
