Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We're too hungover to prance.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
