His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
