Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
