i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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