i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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