One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
