I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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