I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
