I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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