Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
