i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
