My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
