You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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