i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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