Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
