I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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