and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
