Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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