Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
