And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
NoShamevember. You game?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
