I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
