I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
