So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
