yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
