just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
