"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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