Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
