Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
