nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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