im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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