That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
