the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
