i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
