This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
