Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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