I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
