On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
