I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
