I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
