I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
