U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
