If i come over, it means nothing
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
