I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
