last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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